Frederic C. Bartter
General Clinical Research Center (GCRC)
The Night Before Deadline
‘Twas the night before deadline,
The University was alight,
Postdocs were searching Medline,
It was to be a long night.
The students were snuggled asleep in their dorms,
Grateful they weren’t awake filling out forms.
The Lab Heads were impatient, secretaries in a state,
For the overwhelmed postdocs it was getting quite late.
The forms were like Kafka, the science in draft,
The photos placed strangely, the instructions were daft.
“Oh, what a mess!” the poor postdoc said.
“If I go on at this rate, I’ll never get to b ed.”
But wait! What racket is that coming from York?
It looks like a Deux Chevaux trying to park.
Who is that strange creature with that light from above?
Is it? It couldn’t be! Yes! It’s Santa.gov!
His eyes they were twinkling, his manner was kind,
He’d not had a shave in a very long time.
His suit was magenta, his stomach was round,
And he jumped from the car with a confident bound.
“Don’t give up!” He cried, as he jogged to the lab.
“I’m bringing you help so your writing is fab!
Here’s some samples of grants that have made people cheer.
My grantwriters were delayed, but they’re almost here.”
And then from inside of a 31 bus,
Eight tiny reindeer appeared among us.
They scurried into the lab and took charge,
The grants started flying as the deadline loomed large.
“Type Dasher! Scan Dancer! Copy Prancer and Vixen!
Comet, edit the forms now with Dunder and Blitzen!”
The page limit met, the compliance in place,
The eight little reindeer worked at a great pace.
“But Santa,” I said, “I feel guilty, I am
Every postdoc on campus is in the same jam.”
“Don’t worry,” said Santa, “for we’ll help them all,
And you’ll see, everyone will be funded by fall.”
Santa and the reindeer then made all the rounds
To all the brave postdocs writing grants on the grounds.
Their problems were solved and their prose to the point,
Then Santa said to his reindeers, “We’re splitting this joint!”
I watched as they piled in the old Deux Chevaux,
And pulled oh, so slowly in the traffic flow.
But then, so amazed was I when I found
They disappeared in the night without touching the ground.
With all the grants finished, the brave postdocs went home,
All snug in their beds, having written their tome.
Sugar plum grants and success unforeseen
And sweetly they conjured a holiday dream.
As Santa and his reindeers soared out of sight,
He cried, “Happy deadline to all, and to all a good night!”
Jon Hart, Senior Director of Sponsored
Programs Administration at
The Rockefeller University
© 2005
Date page last modified: 12/09/05 10:17 AM
